Missing You
by Tormented Shore
Summary: Nine years after the sinking Rose 'feels Jack's presence' and talks to him about endless things; about her family, about his family, about her recent engagement...


Title: Missing You

Author: Within A Dream

Rating: PG

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"I...I know you're here Jack.  I can...I can feel it...you.  It's kind of strange really, to know that you're here, to know for certain.  And I do...know for certain that is.  

Well, hello Jack.  It's been a long time.  Nine years, nine long, lonely years without you.  I mean, not that I was without you.  You were always in my heart, and I'm sure that every once in a while you came down here to visit me...right?  

Well, Jack how are you?  You're doing well?  Well that makes one of us.  I mean, I suppose I am doing well.  I followed my dream.  You remember don't you, Jack?  When I told you I wanted to be an actress?  I enjoy it.  It's nice to be someone else for a change, to finally be able to forget about you.  Not that I want to forget about you.  It just hurts too much after a while, carrying around this pain in my chest day after day, month after month, year after year.  It just gets too much to bear after a while, do you know what I mean?  I'm not doing very well in here Jack.  No, I'm not talking about this ratty old apartment, although I'm not doing too well in it either.  I'm talking about inside, inside me.  I feel...I feel...Oh God, I don't even know what I feel anymore.  Do you ever get like this?  So hopeless...so...pathetic...  It's strange...I mean, I lived without you for seventeen years, and then we spend two days together, I'm suddenly alone again, and now I can't even breathe without you.  God, I am pathetic.  But now I'm starting to wonder how I had lived those seventeen years without you.  Although I didn't really live...my body did, but not my spirit, if that makes any sense at all.  Perhaps I should say I hadn't been making each day count.  Making it count.  I remember when you said that; you looked so handsome...You fit right in with the rest of us...not likely.  You...gave the appearance of being exactly like us!  Yes, that you did, me dear.  Doesn't say much for the rich.  A penniless artist comes along, borrows a suit and everyone thinks that he is a rich bastard like the rest of them...  Or then again perhaps it says more...

You know, Jack.  I really like you in a suit...with your hair all slicked back...  Although it does look quite nice when it's falling in your face...you always are reaching out and brushing it out of your eyes...ah...your eyes...so blue...so full of depth...  You know, I never could understand what those eyes saw in me.  I mean I was beautiful, or so I was told.  But there are many pretty faces...prettier faces.  I remember my mother always saying to me 'Rose, dear, you really do need to lose some weight.  You're looking a bit full in that dress.  Perhaps we can tighten the corset a few notches?'  Well are you happy now mother?  I'm skinny now, yes skinny.  I weigh a hundred and nine pounds and I'm five foot seven, five foot eight actually...  Did you ever think I was fat, Jack?  When you saw me without my clothes on, did you think 'that girl needs to lose some weight.  Those prostitutes I drew were much prettier.'  Yes, I'm sure that's exactly what you thought.  And you probably said to yourself, 'Her cheekbones are terrible!  They really should be more prominent!'  Who am I kidding, I know you'd never think that, Jack.  You'd never be that shallow.  

You always said I had a 'fire' within me?  What did you mean by that?  And what did you mean when you said 'that fire is going to burn out'.  Did you mean Cal was going to burn out my fire?  Cal was full of fire too, Jack.  Maybe that is what you meant; Cal was going to burn out my fire.  I heard that they put out forest fires by creating a fire coming the opposite direction.  So maybe Cal's fire and my fire put together would have made both our fires burn out.  That would have been good for him.  His fire was a 'bad fire' and mine was a 'good fire'.  Yes, I had a good fire...  Didn't I, Jack? 

So, how are things up there, Jack?  How is the weather?  It's good weather?  Sunny, I hope.  Maybe a bit of rain...and perhaps it snows once in a while.  It would be fun to make a snowman...and snow angels...and have snowball fights...Do you like the snow?  You told me that you grew up in a town near Chippewa Falls, which you said had the coldest winters around, and I quote you on that.  I went to Chippewa Falls three years ago, actually.  You had never told me which town you lived in, just that it's near Chippewa Falls.  So I went there, and asked around until I finally found someone who remembered you.  His name was Jim; yes Jim.  He told me some rather odd stories about you, Jack.  Apparently he was your uncle's old friend.  I wanted to see your uncle, but Jim told me he died when you were twelve.  I asked if you had any living relatives and he said you had a few aunts and uncles living in the south.  I have the exact location written down somewhere, haven't had enough guts to actually go there.  He told me about when you were little, Jack.  Apparently you were quite the wild one.  I wish we had known each other when we were children.  We would have gotten along great; I was quite a handful myself.  My mother would always sigh whenever I did something 'embarrassing' and tell her friends that I inherited my wild side from my father.

Did you ever meet my father up there, Jack?  I'm sure he would have liked you.  You remind me a lot of him.  Would your parents have liked me?  I'm sure I would have liked them.  What did they look like?  My father had light brown hair and the greenest eyes I've ever seen.  He wasn't exactly on the thin side, and my mother always blamed my being chubby on him.  She seemed to blame everything that was wrong with me, on him.  Well, actually, she blamed everything on him.  Tell my father I said, hello, if you see him.  And...and tell him...that I...love him.

Oh, God Jack...I...I miss you so much, you know?  Have you ever heard 'not a day goes by that I don't think of you'?  Well it's true, only in this case it's more like not an hour...or a minute...or a second...  Oh, God!  I can't go on like this...I just can't!  I need you...and not like this...in the flesh...so I can hold you...and kiss you...  Why did you make me promise I'd live on?  Do you know how much pain you've put me through?  How much misery?  I need you Jack Dawson!  I need you like I need air...hell; I don't even need air, I don't want air!  ...Take away my air, so then I'll die and be with you!

Oh God, what am I saying?  Don't listen to me.  I didn't mean it.  I...I need to keep my promise...I shall live each day to the fullest...I'll live on...make lots of babies...watch them grow...  Hell, Jack!  How could you make me promise to 'make lots of babies'?  Because that would imply me getting married...and that would imply me falling in love...  And I don't want to fall in love, Jack!  The only person I want to love is you; the only person I'll ever love is you!  Is that what you want, me to fall in love again, with someone else?  Because... I've been seeing someone, Jack.  Yes, I've been seeing someone.  ...And I think I might care for him a great deal...  It's not love, Jack... At least I think it's not...I can't explain this feeling...it's just different...not so...intense...  He...he's really nice.  His name is James Calvert.  We've been seeing one another for nearly four month now.  He was married before, Jack.  To some woman named Elizabeth.  But he doesn't know about you...I could never tell anyone about you...  He does know that I loved someone and...he died...

And there's something else Jack...he proposed to me last night...  I didn't know what to say...so...I said yes...  I thought that that's what you want me to do, to 'fulfill my promise'.  Did I do the right thing?  

He has a son, Jack.  His name is William, but we call him Willy.  He is the most adorable little boy I've ever seen.  He's three years old.  I saw him this morning and he asked me if I was going to be his mommy...his mother died when he was still an infant you see...and...I told him yes.

One day, Jack, one day I know we're going to be together again.  This time forever, for eternity.  But until then my darling, my love, I need to fulfill my promise, for you, for me.  I need to make each day count."

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_Author's Note: Reviews are greatly appreciated!_


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